The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan
by Moofy-Moof
Summary: A wonderful tale of family, love, and being yourself.


The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part I

Kawaii Waffle Chan Visits Japan

Kawaii waffle Chan was excited to finally visit Japan for he had never been there, well, he was actually in Japan once. Kawaii Waffle Chan was actually born in Japan, his mother was the most kawaii-est moé super magical girl in japan and his father was a game show host who thousands of years ago invented oriental chi and the waffle. Because of all of this, it was only obvious that they would name their son Kawaii Waffle, but moments after he was born they noticed that he was born with a small birthmark the size of a pencil mark on his neck. As everyone knows, Japan in the most perfect nation on earth, they couldn't have this imperfect little beast ruining Japan's perfect image, so they put him in a rotten box and shipped him off to the stinky rat hole full of BAKA GAIJIN'S known as the USA.

So now we return to the main story, Kawaii Waffle Chan is getting off his boat, since his hair is long and luscious enough to cover his birth mark nobody could notice his imperfection, Kawaii made his way to his hotel that he would be staying at and went into his super kai-wa-liv~ room where he played FFVII and DDR Supernova until he went to sleep.

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part II

Real Life Loli's In Akihabara

Kawaii woke up feeling wet. Kawaii made his way to Akihabara, the Kawaii-est place on earth for a boy named Kawaii. Kawaii thought he'd maybe buy the new volume of Naruto or the new Naruto DVD or maybe a new Naruto Plush, but what was this feeling, the clouds were changing, the atmosphere was different, he could hear a thousand child footsteps. Suddenly, without warning, a thousand loli's pounced him (500 nude and 500 wearing lingerie) with a force so great his clothes vaporized. Kawaii could feel the pressure of 1000 equally kawaii loli's pushing up against him. Nude flesh against nude flesh, little panting bodies, and 1000 popped Cherries spilling juice that was soaking in his clothes. Kawaii passed out as did the loli's.

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part III

Unpleasant Awakening

Kawaii woke up with such a wet feeling on his junk. "Can you lick it off?" he asked. There was no response. "Lick it up my beautiful lolitas." he repeated, but all he heard was an angry, yelling voice. Kawaii rolled over to the face of an angry baka gaijin. He had a white t shirt (WITH NO ANIME CHARACTER OR DIR EN GREY LOGO ON IT) and a polaroid camera hanging from his neck. "Get off my fucking lap. Seeing the wonderful sights in Japan is not worth having your fat gay ass on my lap!" "This doesn't feel like Ahkiba," Kawaii thought. They would welcome a fellow baka gaijin hater with a PSP filled with Monster Hunter Freedom 2 and a custom built PC in open arms. WAIT A SECOND! Kawaii jumped up. This isn't Japan yet, I'm still on the plane. t_t;;;;

A voice came on the loudspeaker; "we are now landing in Japan!" Kawaii was so excited, he started blurting "DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU." He thought; "this is going to be a most kawaii, I won't even miss my deviantART friends too much." ^^

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part IV

supreme pleasure

Kawaii walked off the plane, jumping with every step. "I'm going to be back in my Kawaii homeland now!" He tried singing the Code Geass theme song out of excitement but could only remember the first two words; "JIBUN WO!" and stuck to humming it. T_T;;; He found a taxi, and yelled "TAKE ME TO AHKIBARA!" There was no need to find a hotel, as he could live in a maid cafe and use the internet to go on 2chan. :))))) Plus a hotel would take money out of his plushie budget he got from working at otakon last year. (cosplayed as Konata, it was so kawaii :DDDDDDD) As the car drove him, Kawaii looked at the scenery; so many wonderful azns like me! They must be baka gaijin haters too! It got to an uninteresting part of the ride, and he realized he hadn't fapped at all during the two day plane trip, other than the unpleasant experience with the baka gaijin. 0_0;;;; He thought; "at least all bathrooms in japan have insta fap lolita posters in them so i don't even worry about having to pay for a computer. Sasuke-Kun1993 on deviantart is so good at preparing me for this trip. He showed me where and when to fap. :)))))))) He jumped off at ahkiba, and yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!"

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part V

missing essential

First things first; gotta find a store that sells naruto doujinshii to read them all and get caught up so he can read the most current editions at comiket. He saw a book store and went inside. It was a big book store, with lots of different sections, so big he didn't know where the doujinshi was because he only knows the kanji for konichiwa and mitsubishi, and all the the signs were in kanji. He went to the counter to ask where the doujinshi were, and there was a real life azn there. 0_0 It was his first time talking to an azn EVAR except for himself! The real live azn was reading a light novel and smoking a cigarette. He finally got up the courage to stutter "w-w-where are the doujinshi?" The azn slowly looked up and pointed to the right. OMG HE POINTED AT ME 0_0;;;;;;;; Kawaii ran to the right, so excited to find the doujinshi. There they were, all perfectly stapled papers with the most kawaii writings of sakura's fantasies with sasuke. :))))) He grabbed up all the Naruto doujinshi that could fit in his hands, running back to the counter. HE STOPPED SUDDENLY! Wait a second.... "NARUTO HEADBAND!" WHERE IS IT!" DID I FORGET IT AT TOYOTA-CHAN'S HOUSE DURING THE LAN PARTY!!!!!???" This was not good. Kawaii Chan's head was filled with fear. "What if the azn doesn't accept me without my headband? He could say I'm not a true Naruto fan and KICK ME OUT OF JAPAN!?!? 0_0;;;;;; But I've gotta get the doujinshi or else I won't fit in at the comiket... Better just go and hope he doesn't notice." He walked up to the counter, throwing all the doushinji, and money out of his pocket on the table. The azn slowly spoke; "we do not accept dollars, only yen...." t_t;;;;;;;;;;

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part VI

Kawaii Bishi azn Boy

Kawaii burned his filthy gaijin moniez for he could not put it in an exchange machine and dirty up JAPAN with AMERICAN monee!!! \(O_O)/. But fear not for Kawaii knew what to do!!!!! He knew there where a lot of BAKA GAIJIN WEEABOO fangirl tourists in Japan at this time of year, so he hid made like a local and strutted down the street with the boys school uniform from Lucky Star he stole from some cosplayer........!! It didn't take too long for a STUPID WEEABOO NOT AZN girl to approach him squee-ing and giggling, "WHAT AN ANNOYING VOICE" he thought. She asked him how much it would take for her to suck his 1 inch erect azn pen0r. Hours passed and Kawaii Waffle Chan has 50,000 yen in pocket and empty testicles, he shuttered at the thought that his first time was with someone NOT AZN, but he shook it off and assured himself that fellatio didn't count. He went to the nearest animu shop and left sporting a shiny new Village Hidden in the Leaves headband! ;DDDDDDDDDd

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part VII

The Great Loli Pimpgod in the Sky

Kawaii was feeling confident, he was snuggly burried under 100 kawaii Naruto plushies he bought that day (cuddling Kisame and Suigetsu (his favorites)) sleeping on the super comfy intorwebz cafe sofa surrounded by what was either Chocolate Pocky or Mens Pocky (his azn mind was not trained enough to smell the difference ;_;) But strangely Kawaii couldn't sleep, so he started naming all the Pokemon from Bulbasaur to Arceus, that did the trick! ^_~;;;;;;; Kawii was dreaming about soft loli labia when everything went black. Suddenly a godly figure in the form of his father (like in contact with Jodie Foster) descended to him. He told Kawaii that if he went out into akihabara and collected all Naruto merchandise, he would reunite Kawaii with his parents and his 1000 little sisters that would yell "ONII CHAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!111elevendyone!1" durring sexuall intercourse. Kawaii had a new mission ahead of him in the morning! /(^o^)/

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part VIII

How do I Collected Naruto Merchandise?

Kawaii woke up feeling Motivized! Pulverized! and Realized! Kawaii picked up all of his Naruto plushies in one fell swoop and ran to his pen pal from 3rd grade Ichigo Honda Ronda San Chan's house and dropped them off in his cellar, he told Ichigo Honda Ronda Monda San Sama Rama Mama San Chan of his quest and he agreed to keep the merchandise in his cellar until he had all of it to take to the loli Pimpgod. Kawaii ran outside and happened to hitch a ride on a passing by business man in a hurry (as to not strain his DDR legs too much) and got back to the intrin0t cafe in 5 minutes flat (it would have taken 50 minutes by car!!!!). Kawaii now had to think of a sufficient way to collect all Naruto merchandise in Akihabara in a small amount of time, hmmmmm?............ OF COURSE!!! :P He would print instructions off of the internet on how to build a SUPER NARUTO ULTRA MEGA KAWAII NARUTO MERCHANDISE MAGNET DELUXE out of some spare computer parts and a coffee machine! Boy is Kawaii smart! (it's cause he's azn and good at math!).

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part IX

Collecting Naruto Merchandise for GREAT JUSTICE!!!

After spending his leftover azn Gigolo money on parts for the machine and a helicopter to attach it to, Kawaii was off before he knew it! As Kawaii zipped and buzzed through the air like he just didn't care, thousands upon thousands of Naruto plushies, headbands, kunai's, wallets, soundtracks, DVD's, action figures, shirts, manga, video games, and any other Naruto related merchandise and memorabilia were sent flying through the air, snatched out of peoples hands and purses and such, busting through walls and the sort all getting collected by the magnet and magically teleported to Ichigo Honda Zuzuki Wookie Rumba Lumba San Chan Sama Dono Sempai Kun's cellar. Kawaii was feeling victorious as the counter of how many items he had left was decreasing at the speed of-- EEEEEEUUUUUUWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!??!?!?!!!!! IT COULDN'T BE! ONE ITEM LEFT!!!111!12!! WHERE COULD IT BE!!?! /(O.O)/;;;;;;;;; Suddenly a mysterious figure came towards him from the horrizon..... It was Weeaboo Stu, his arch nemesis from college, in a large zeppelin, holding a Sasuke plushie.

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Part X

The Ultimate Showdown.......... of the Ultimate Destiny

Kawaii was RED with anger, this was the guy who outbid him at the last second for that limited edition Naruto Harem Jutsu collectible figurine on eBay, this was the guy who got in line to see Naruto Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow four seconds before Kawaii got in line, this was the guy who always had ONE more Naruto fanfiction on *cough* than Kawaii did, this was the guy who got close to kissing this one girl in kindergarten this one time that Kawaii liked, and now, this was the one guy standing between Kawaii and 1000 of Kawaii's little loli sisters and to finally be reunited with his parents who he always dreamed of seeing in the Land of the Rising Sun, to play Capcom vs SNK with his dad, and shop for underwear with his mom, this was the guy that was in the was of everything Kawaii had ever held dear or true. Well Kawaii wasn't going to take it any more, and with a rebel yell he cried "MORE, MORE, MORE!" and fucking turned on the helicopters turret and fired 1000 shots at the zeppelin that shot through like 1000 scalding hot knives getting shot at butter, then Kawaii crashed his helicopter into the cockpit, jumped out, turned to Weeaboo Stu and said "you just lost the game". POW BLAP BIP BOOM!!! Next thing you know Kawaii was parachuting to safety with the Sasuke plush in his hand and a grin on his grill. He could hear "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb playing in his head.

The Melancholy of Kawaii Waffle Chan

Final Part

Epilogue

To this day Kawaii is a happy as a clam Otaku man living with his awesome Jap fam. the birthmark on his neck turned out to be a magic seal that allowed him to be able to fly a helicopter and skydive without any real knowledge of how to do either. (wotta twist!) Kawaii has a great relationship with his parents, every Friday is Ramen knight! Kawaii is a Mangaka now, his manga sells even more than Naruto! Can you believe that? He sleeps with his 1000 sisters every knight, he took each and every one of their virginity's! *^_^*;;;;;;;;. and as for The loli Pimpgod, he makes life a super kawaii fun time for everybody, one weeaboo kid at a time ; D

The KAWAII End


End file.
